I Miss You All the Time
by Blackwell-Triplets
Summary: She never should have said no... she knows that now, but can she fix the mistake that she made before it consumes her for the rest of her life? Will he ever forgive her for having broken his heart? Rogan/Sophie Disclaimer: I don't own anything.


I Miss You All the Time

By: Kathryn

Summary: Rory realizes that breaking up with Logan was a huge mistake and that she misses everything about him.

_I miss you when something really good happens, because you're the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you're the only one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you're the one who makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other for those were some of the best memorable times of my life. - Unknown Author_

Five months I had lounged around the house, mopping and crying, regretting my decision to not marry Logan. I had thought that by rejecting his offer of marriage, I would be opening more doors to my future, but the truth is, I was so miserable, I hadn't found time to make a future for myself. Every time I applied for a job, I would think about writing for the Yale Daily News and then I would think about Logan sitting across the room, smirking at me. And then when I thought about Logan, I would totally lose it. I would remember living with Logan and waking up and seeing his face, and going out to dinners and him doting on me. And at that point, I lost it, completely.

Logan had been my whole world and I had just turned that down so that I could be more successful. I was now without the person that I loved the most, and it was all my own fault. I often dreamt of what life would have been like if I had said yes. I would probably be in San Francisco right now, laying in Logan's arms, rambling on about the wedding plans I had made that day or how after months of searching, I had finally found the perfect job in San Francisco at a paper that was better than the ones on the East Coast.

And somewhere around that time in my fantasy, I would spring from the couch and grab my car keys, ready to rush out of the house and to the airport, getting on the first flight that would take me back to my beloved Logan. My mother always saw this coming and she would gently pry the keys from my hand, and then I would fall onto the couch in a heap of tears, wondering what had become of my life. My mother would come back half an hour later with several cups of Luke's coffee, junk food, a box of Kleenexes and some really good wallowing movies.

I knew that after five months, my wallowing should be over, but I just couldn't get over Logan. I couldn't shake off what I had done, and how he had just walked away. _Why couldn't he do long distance_, I screamed in my head, in moments of my frustration. But I knew that he was right; I knew that to do long distance would be taking a step back in our relationship.

Just as I was headed back into my wallowing, I heard the front door open and then close again. My mother was back. My mother, who had never really liked Logan, was back. My mother, who couldn't see at the time how much happier I would have been with Logan, was back. My mother, who couldn't just tell me that I would be happiest if I married Logan, was back. I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn't fair to blame all of this on my mother, and that I should have known that no career or no opportunity was more important than true love, but at this point, I wanted to blame this on anyone but me.

_Why hadn't I gone after him?_ I questioned myself. It would have been so easy, or at least easier than this. I could have run after him and told him that I was wrong and that this was all a mistake and that I never wanted him to leave me. If I had done it the next day, it would have been so easy to convince Logan that I had been irrational, or maybe even drunk, but five months later, he wouldn't take me back. At the time, Logan would have been mad, maybe even a little hurt, but now… well I am not sure that at this point, Logan would ever forgive me.

I looked at the corner of my room where two bags sat, totally packed. One would think that I was leaving tonight to go somewhere, but those bags had been packed up for five months, and still I hadn't left to San Francisco. I wanted to go; I wanted to tell Logan how stupid I had been and how miserable I had been these last few months without him, but the truth of the matter is, I was scared. Too scared to confront the man that I loved and tell him what a mistake I had made and that I wanted to be with him.

My mother walked in, at that point, finding me starring at the bags again, Logan running through my head. She sighed and walked over to where my bags sat and picked them up. "What are you doing with those?" I yelled, panic filling my voice.

"I am taking them to my car," she answered simply.

"Why?"

"Because I am taking you to the airport so that you can go to San Francisco and find Logan," she answered, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I can't do that," I replied, thinking that my mother had finally lost her mind. "Logan hates me. He will never forgive me."

"Listen, even if the two of you can't be back together, you need to see him. You need to close this chapter of your life and move on, in one direction or another. You sit around the house crying all day long, thinking about that boy. You will never be able to move on unless you talk to him. Tell him what is going on in your mind. Tell him how miserable you have been since the two of you broke up." She looked at me sadly. "You have so much potential, Rory; so much ahead of you. But until you come to some kind of closure about this issue, then you will never be able to utilize it. The world is ahead of you, hun. Now you just have to step out and conquer it."

"I'm scared," I answered quietly.

"I know you are, Ror. But if Logan loves you as much as I think he does, he hasn't moved on yet, and while it will take a while, and a lot of negotiating on your part, I think that the two of you can come out of this situation, much better people with a stronger relationship. If you explain to him what was going through your head, or how much you miss, or how he is the only one for you; if you get on your knees and grovel and beg for him to take you back, the two you might just have a future ahead of you."

"What if he doesn't, though?"

"Then you slowly but surely stand up and you move on with your life, knowing that you did everything in your power to get him back. Knowing that even though you made a mistake, you tried to fix it and that 

the ball is in his court now. And if he rejects that, it is his lose, and you will move on with your life. Either way, you need to confront him. It is the only way to move on."

I nodded dejectedly, knowing that my mother was right. This was tearing up my heart and I needed mend.

A/N: Should I continue or should I leave it like it is??


End file.
